she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
