My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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