WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
