where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
