I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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