is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she peed on how many people?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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