I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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