I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
