I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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