when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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