he wants to bone in the snuggie
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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