Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize