How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
