I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
