If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
