i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
