Need sex. Gaining weight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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