Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
