It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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