We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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