You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
