I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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