Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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