The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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