my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
