just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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