I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
