whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i would punch a child for taco bell
i dont even know how to be here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
