you guys were way drunker than both of me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
