you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
