I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
