he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
