Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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