No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
