OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
