if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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