the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
