Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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