what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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