My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
