Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
