I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
