let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
