I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
