I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
