I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
