Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
