i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
