I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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