i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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