What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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