david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
