i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
