Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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